Learning A Second Dance

An Old Guy Announces a New Beginning

2012-01-02T10:54:00.002-05:00

I can't leave this Christmas behind without one last look at an obscure old guy who became my hero last month as I read Luke's account of the Christmas Story. Zechariah had labored away in ministry for decades. He had been faithful, even risen through the ranks of his organization. Yet, one thing was missing: a son. Elizabeth barren, and presumably past menopause. So, that door definitely seemed shut. Still he labored on. Most likely, he hoped to see more of God, but never expected anything big to happen, even when offering incense in the temple.

Gabriel's arrival rocked his world. He wasn't ready for it. He surrendered to fear and cynicism. That cost him dearly as Elizabeth passed through her time of waiting for the "joy and delight." of a son. Unable to speak, he listened and watched as God did the improbable. Then, Elizabeth made another unlikely suggestion. The name John was not part of the family heritage. Once again, this was not the way things were done. But this time, when the questions come, Zechariah is ready to follow. "He is to be called John!" This new name will make it clear that their baby is to be the one "to make ready a people prepared for the Lord."
With that Zechariah finds his voice and his role as a herald of new beginnings.

A second dance constantly faces a similar challenge of faith. It is an unlikely, unexpected process. Following the path means that many things change. The lack of the familiar often unsettles those around us, and we hear and feel the challenge often. So, we have to return to the instructions HE issued when HE called us to this dance. Even when we wait for the next steps, we pay heed to the Messenger who reminds us that the best is yet to be!

How does this work? I don't know but it does!

2011-12-22T08:15:00.000-05:00

Early in our relationship, Cindy and I went to see "Last Chance Harvey." Diminutive Dustin Hoffman meets and pursues, statuesque Emma Thompson across London. They are an unlikely couple. He is scarred, she is scared, yet the magic of love draws them together. Whenever the doubts engulf her, she asks him, "How will this work?" To which he sheepishly replies, "I don't know, but it will."
Seeing that movie together, comforted this wounded and worried couple as we wove our lives together. I never doubted God's call for me to pursue and win Cindy. From that moment on, whenever she asked how this could work, "I would just smile and say, "I don't know, but it will."
This morning, the question "How can this work?" jumped out at me from Christmas story in Luke 1. As Gabriel heralds the coming birth of Jesus, Mary poses the question, "How can this work out? (v. 34) The reply isn't a biology lesson, but an assurance that with God nothing is impossible with God,(v. 37).
God is always more interested in helping us claim the reality of his coming, than He is in explaining the methodology of His coming. We often face crisis where we have to believe that God will guide us, even when we don't understand how He will get us to the other side.
To outside observers, I suppose we are are an unlikely pair. Many might wonder how this impressive, accomplished lady ever wound up with this short eccentric from the ministry world. How does this work?
"I don't know but it does." And remarkably well, I might add!

Finding the Perfect Savior in my Imperfect Christmas

2011-12-05T15:18:00.001-05:00

My most magical memories revolve around Christmas: trimming the tree with my older brothers, caroling to elderly folks around our rural Kansas community, getting the toy I really didn’t expect. Later, the Macha kids initiated a “silly string” fight after the last gift was opened. When Cindy and I came together I learned that Christmas had known more heartbreak than magic lately, and I resolved to make magic for her. So, our Christmases have included filling shopping carts with gifts for the grandkids, and taking them to ride the Strasburg Railroad’s Christmas Run.

Yet, no matter how hard I have tried, I have never quite managed to pull off that perfect Christmas. I forget to buy batteries for the Wii “wand of power”; the ping pong table top comes crashing down just after we finish its assembly, a child (or adult) sits pouting in the corner, disillusioned with the whole thing. There is always that moment when I cry out in despair “I give up! Christmas is ruined!!”

Could it be that these failures and disappointments hold the true wonder of Christmas? Our failure to keep a perfect Christmas points us toward the true need for Christmas. We live in a broken imperfect world; we are lost and flawed people. The universe needs a Savior: The One who will make all things new. In Advent we remember the One who has come to repair the universe and restore our hearts to HIM. In advent we ask every heart to prepare HIM room because HE will come again to make all things new! At Advent things begin to happen.

Compelled to Announce

2011-11-27T06:46:00.001-05:00

I forgot to mention that Dave and Becca's dessert bar reception included offerings from our cafe---Just trying to "grow the brand." Even more exciting was our chance to share our story with a couple we just met at our table. In a perfect setting we launched into the tale with great glee and zeal. And once more I saw the eyes light up and the smiles turn on as these new friends shared our joy.

My recent reading of Acts 20 affirmed another purpose of this new dance. We are called to announce his redeeming power in the wake of pain. This world that has experienced far too much disappointment and has far too often misplaced its dreams. People can be warmed by our reminder that God truly does create beauty from ashes. Even as I danced I am compelled to announce that God does bring new mercies each day.

The Band Plays On!

2011-11-19T09:26:00.003-05:00

Last night we watched David and Becca unite in marriage. Becca is the daughter of dear friends, so we watched both Steve and Sharon "glow up" and "mist over" as the ceremony progressed. We laughed sheepishly as the story of their online connection was recounted as it sounded just a bit like ours. At the reception we recalled the unique twists we had put on our own arrangements, even as appreciated their "dessert bar" reception meal. And what man can attend a wedding without remembering the magic moment in which his own bride walks down the aisle?

Still, this hopeful young couple stepping on to the dance floor the first time provided a stark contrast with Cindy and me. They come into their union as blank slates in so many ways. Their hearts are filled with far more hopes than disappointments.

Wounded by the death and default that ended our first dances, we came to the altar acknowledging our brokeness. We took to the dance floor aware of pain. Thus the tune is less simple, but much richer in texture.

Today Acts 20 reminded of the direction of our song. Paul writes, "I want to finish the race." That's it. This tune is not a preluede. It more about finishing well than starting over. We approach the final movement of our symphony in which we dance with far more purpose and joy than we have ever danced before. We find ourselves dancing on top of the rubble of our brokeness toward the Hall of Glory. Our joint celebration continues for now because the band plays on!

The Gift of Receiving

2011-11-10T20:04:00.005-05:00

One day last month I woke up to the sounds of "Happy Birthday, Danny." Morning breakfast and thoughtful gifts followed. When we went out to dinner that night friends surprised me at the restaurant. That night I told her that she had made Birthday #58 special.

All this got me to thinking about we bless the giver when we receive a kindness with appreciation. When we ingore another's love, we leave them rejected. Their soul withers like a plant without water. When we demand another's love we leave them exploited. It is as if we have stripped a tree of its branches. But when we receive the love of another we nurture them. It as if we are driving the roots of their heart into rich soil. As my birthday ended, I saw Cindy glow with pride, aware that her planning and preparation had furthered our love.

Is it possible that in embracing another's love we are actually reflecting the Divine Image back their way? After all, HE basks in our love, without manipulation or violation. When we embrace another, we move them outside themselves toward the blessing of giving. Meanwhile, in the best moments of relationship we see firsthand what it is like to be loved without demand. And we are left with only one question, "How can I learn to love like this?"

The nightmare of loss, The dream of gain

2011-07-26T09:31:00.003-04:00

You weep through the ending of a first dance. Betrayal evokes bitter tears. Nothing is as gut wrenching as wailing at the grave of your best friend. Such sorrows cut deep, never to be forgotten. Yet, there is an unreal dreamlike quality to it all. The pain validates the reality of the experience even as you try to deny magnitude of your loss. You find yourself caught up in a nightmare, with no way to wake up.

This past week Psalm 126 walked me through the valley of despair and deliverance once more. I was reminded that honest tears irrigate a harvest of righteous gain. Living through loss gave Cindy and me the courage to compassionately embrace the other's suffering. Our union then gave us the context to sing---and dance once more.

Last night we teamed up to build hope into the lives of a new generation. We led a group of Hempfield kids into the painful reality that 1 in 6 children know chronic hunger. Then we called them to celebrate the fact that for $1 per day they could lift someone out of the painful ache of hunger.

We were there because we have experienced emptiness and watched the Lord of the Dance lead us into healing joy. Now we are called to lead others to the dance of obedience and love. There is a harvest to be gathered when HE delivers us from the nightmare of loss to the joy of tasting HIS love afresh once more.

Pruning

2011-06-15T17:27:00.003-04:00

We spent the spring battling poison sumac in our garden. The stakes are higher than just having a nice yard. Sumac presents a real health risk to Cindy. She suffered swollen eyes and agonizing rashes the past three summers because those nasty vines were entwined in our trees and flower bushes. So, we waged quite a sumac eradication campaign that seems to have paid off.

All the spaying, chopping and digging gave me time to reflect on the nature of weeds in the universe. I remembered that weeds spring up after our rebellion brought a curse upon the land. I saw plenty of evidence that weeds choke out the growth of fruitful plants. It takes a lot of work to eliminate them. But you only get the job done when you go after the roots.

The floor of a "second dance" can get covered with an outbreak of weeds from time to time. The disappointment and pain of a premature parting can leave a few bitter roots below the surface. Loss has burned away some of the lush vegetation of of hope we grew in our early years. If left unchecked, such weeds can quickly choke out our joy.

How do you fight such outbreaks? You tend the surface and the subsoil of the heart. You don't deny the presence of weeds when they appear. You attack them with courage and zeal. You nurture the seeds of faith to grow the fruit of the Spirit with The Word, prayer and counsel. And daily you look forward to a harvest of righteousness on The Day of the Ultimate Wedding Banquet.

Twice Blessed

2011-05-01T21:12:00.004-04:00

When May comes around I still experience a tinge of sadness. This is the month when Nancy's final decline began. Yet that sorrow soon gives way to a thanksgiving as I remember that we finished well. I know what loving to the end is; what it costs and what it yields. There is peace and satisfaction that few ever know.

Last week Cindy and faced some some rough weather from outside our hut. At the height of the storm, I felt a surge of savage joy. I know that HIS grace is sufficient to weather any storm. I am grateful to HIM who has again called me to a partner who hears the divine music as we go dancing in the mine field.

Planting Promises

2011-04-25T07:50:00.010-04:00

Second dances usually involve the blending of families. Our union extends to four households now.
Yesterday we found a special way to celebrate the diverse collection of children and grandchildren. We planted four clusters of tulips in our front yard, a different color for each house, (orange for Landisville, Red for Fulton, Pink for Philadelphia, and purple for Lititz), a different flower for each child and grandchild. As we planted each bunch we claimed a specific Scripture for each household. It was our way of laying claim to the promise of resurrection life for every wing of our family.

It was also a symbol of the status of our extended family right now. For over thirty years Cindy and I have been planting and watering the previous generations. We have given them direction, advice, and encouragement. But as Paul says in I Corinthians 3, "only God makes things grow." Yesterday, Cindy and I "reminded God" that is up to Him to nurture and protect the bouquet of this blended family.

Betrayed for our Restoration

2011-04-22T11:00:00.011-04:00

And Judas went to the chief priests and officers of the temple guard and discussed with them how he might betray Jesus. They were delighted and agreed to give him money.

Luke 22:4, 5

Many folks come to the dance floor a second time after the First Dance ended in betrayal. When your partner can't stay in step with the divine melody you are often forced out of the dance. There is no joy in such a termination. You doubt if anyone can understand the depth of that sorrow.

I have labored to understand the nature of the wound Cindy experienced when her first dance ended. It's an important part of knowing who she is and how I am called to love my wife like Jesus loves the church. Such insight will help bring healing in HIS Name. I have come to comprehend a good bit of that experience. Try as I might, though, I will never completely "get it."

Maundy Thursday reminded me that Jesus knew how it felt to be betrayed by someone who had walked close to Him. Judas' act of treachery was without equal in history, yet it was not triumphant. On Friday, that betrayal was conquered by the faithful wounds He bore for us. I gave thanks for the way those sacred scars are healing the hurts inflicted by another on this woman I love.

Then I owned up to some of the ways that I have failed those who have walked with me. I betray those I love whenever my hearts wanders, whenever I deny responsibility, whenever I fail to stand with them in trial and sorrow. Am I really that different from those who commit more blatant acts? Not so much. We are reminded "all have sinned and fallen short of HIS glory."

Then where is the hope I can offer this one who has been known so much pain? How can I avoid letting relatively minor relational failures mushroom into the kind of breach that could underscore my promise to let nothing grow between us? Our confidence comes from the One who was betrayed on our behalf. The One who stayed faithful when all earthly friends ran away. His Spirit keeps the music alive. His Spirit will keep us dancing in step with one another because we are one in Him and through Him as long as His tune goes on. And that dance will end only when He bids one of us Home.

Reserved Seating Only

2011-04-11T22:16:00.002-04:00

Eating alone is to be avoided at all costs. Furthermore, there is something special about a candlelight dinner for two. I will never forget the first dinner Cindy prepared for me. I can still taste the salmon and asparagus. It was classy. We still enjoy sitting down to eat alone. In our own home. Tonight we enjoyed chicken kabobs over the grill, under the late afternoon sun. And we gave thanks for the arrival of spring. Sometimes the table of our life has gotten crowded. In retrospect, I invited too many people to have a voice in the decisions we were making. A noisy, crowded process fostered confusion. I came to realize that it was up to us to plan the menu. Others might stop by for a snack, but we were the ones who were to be sustained by the fare that was to be served. The only permanent guest at our table is The One whose Wedding Feast is yet to come. After all, He is the One who really set the table all along.

A Seat at the Table

2011-04-10T17:40:00.008-04:00

I have a moment almost every day when I give thanks for Cindy. It usually unfolds while she's engaged in some activity on the other side of the room. Let me tell you how it happened today. We were at Park City Diner with two other couples after church. Our conversation ranged from golf, to football, to television, to missions and beyond. A pleasant, unremarkable brunch was under way. Until I looked across the table and saw the soft glow in her eyes. I knew what that look meant. So many times she had felt uncomfortable at such a gathering, but today she knew she belonged. And so did I. Because we belonged there together. And I gave thanks. The risk we took starting this dance was again eclipsed by the reward of having a partner who helps us belong.

A new partner, A new dance floor

2011-04-08T23:23:00.003-04:00

Both of my dance partners introduced me to new dance floors. Through Nancy I learned to fit into middle class suburban life. I figured out what fork to use by watching her eat in upscale restaurants. While in Ireland we spent hours in smokey pubs pointing people to Jesus over pints of Guinness. We were not always sure what we were doing. However, together we learned to respond to the intricate tune that accompanies the minuet of mission. Meeting Cindy took me onto a different dance floor. We now waltz through life in a family business. From her I am learning phrases like, "price points" and "profit centers." Recently she took me by the hand and led me through the "square dance" that is a Chamber of Commerce mixer. (While the music plays, get lots of new contacts.....don't worry too much about how people are "feeling.") It remains hard to interpret the delight of our dance to others. But we still take steps to recast family for those still hurting from the end of our first dances. Yes, the ballrooms of each dance appear quite different. But I am grateful for the rich music I have heard in each of them. And the patient partners who drew me there. And because I know The One who calls me to dance with freedom and faith, I know that the best is yet to be.

A newly crowded dance floor

2011-04-07T21:32:00.004-04:00

When I went to the Dance Floor the first time, not everyone followed. Not all of "my" friends became "our" friends and vice versa. That was to be expected. Somehow you know that a youthful marriage will involve making lots of new friends. Somehow we had thought a second dance floor would be populated by more of the co-travellers who had joined us in the 50+years that proceeded our rendezvous. The bittersweet truth is that the new tune we dance to, the new steps we take leave many old companions unable to follow. Still even when they balk we must dance on, because HE has called this tune. So, while old friends watch from the distance we dance on. New companions follow these steps: college students marvelling at our energy, fellow Steelers fans sharing our passion. , a young ministry couple seeking reassurance that they can walk through hard places, midlife couples who understanding painful prefaces that preceeded our marriage...and so many more. We often gaze wistfully back, saddened that others can't share this particular dance number. But we remain hopeful that we will all share the floor when HE calls us to the Final Victory Dance to Come.

Watch Your Step

2011-04-06T20:50:00.002-04:00

Tonight we talked about the sacred value of a partner. The dance floor of life is not a smooth, level surface. Craters and pitfalls abound. HE often uses my partner to keep me balanced. Somehow I/we are more clever, more loving and more patient when we dance together. Dancing together we hear the music of the gospel more clearly. Moving in sync, we hold one another to the choreography of faith and obedience.

Now

2011-04-04T23:19:00.002-04:00

I suddenly realized a few weeks ago that I wake up each day more full of today, than yesterday, more consumed with "what might be" than "what has been." I went back to the dance floor because I knew I still had moves left in me. The first dance fades into the mist of another time. And the "second dance" simply becomes THE DANCE.

Dancing on in HIS Embrace

2010-11-25T10:40:00.005-05:00

Amazing how many messages come at me in the course of a day. Text alerts arrive on my cell phone. Email blasts flood my IN Box. Marketing callers ring my land line. Pop up offers clog my web searches. Billboards dot the landscape as I drive down highway 30.

It's hard to filter this stuff out....After all, I do really want the latest 99 cent offer from Tropical Smoothie Cafe, but I should ignore another credit card solicitation. Some voices speak to me with love and concern. Others siren sounds shriek at me trying to lure me down the path of destruction.

Jesus addressed this problem in John 10. He warned that thiefs lurked to undo us and that hired men could not steer to safety in a crisis. He promised to speak to us by name, to lead us to safety, and to hold us tight...free from harm. His sheep have only to listen.

When the first dance ends a lot of voices reach our ears. We can follow them down the path of self-destruction if we pursue unsanctioned pleasure to ease the pain. They can lead us toward self-pity if we head down the road of isolation. Yet HE promises to be there for those who have lost a dance partner. Sometimes HE calls us to dance on alone for years. Such a person can flourish like a star performer in a classic ballet. Others of us are called to form a new partnership and learn to dance together.

Before I asked Cindy to join me I heard HIM summon me to this dance. HE reassured me that I was called to one who had danced so bravely alone. Later she "went to the mountain" and heard HIM reassure her that "It is not good for man to be alone." Thus, we came to the altar with confidence, and with no shame.

Since then, we dance on, shielded from voices that seemed to call us away from the joy of this dance. We are protected by the knowledge that HE who paired us for this new dance will never let us go.

Brokenness, Blindness, Blessings and Blame

2010-11-21T18:07:00.016-05:00

Brokenness has this way of drawing criticism. It's gotta be somebody's fault when things break down or when we suffer. At the beginning of John 9 a man's pain leads to an Inquisition. Jesus is asked who should be blamed for the case of a man born blind. The Master Healer looks past those negative questions. He sees a chance to shed light into darkness as HE brings healing. Sight is restored through an unconventional process.

Then the questions really start. Who did this? Was it an unreal trick? Was the healing done by the Book? After all, it was the Sabbath when this man claimed to gain his sight! How could such unconventional tactics really be the work of God? When God works outside the framework of how things are supposed to be, people get really uncomfortable.

The brokenness you face when your first dance ends leaves you in the dark. If it ended in death, you can feel lingering regret. If betrayal stopped the music, you can face a lot of questions about where it all went wrong.

Then, when you dance again, there are lots of raised eyebrows. And lots of questions. Have you grieved long enough to satisfy cultural norms? Have you really processed your failure? Are you entitled to be happy so soon? What's that? You met online? Is trying something that far out in pursuit of a second dance really wise?

Yet if HE has brought a new relationship to light, you dance on. You delight in learning new steps, even when you're not sure where they came from, or what they mean. You dance on, encouraged that the One who orchestrated the opening of a blind man's eyes can also be glorified by the outrageous display of a second dance.

Lightin' it up on the Dance Floor

2010-11-07T14:15:00.014-05:00

Darkness engulfs the end of the first dance. It may be the bleakness of deception or the shadow of sickness. A switch is thrown and it's scary. Lonely. Dark.

My first dance partner had lit the way as we moved through life. I saw the way forward with someone at my side, providing me constant feedback and support. When the light of her life left me, I felt like I was crawling through an unlit tunnel, groping for a way out. That cavern of grief was the blackest place I had ever been. When we are alone, alienated, or estranged we are truly in the dark. Beginning the second dance was like turning the lights back on. I was no longer stumbling around. I knew where I was headed, and with whom.

Relationships are the signal lights of our pilgrimage. Their spark brings us energy. The love we find keeps us warm. The illumination we gain by walking together guides us into the future.

But a loving human relationship is not really the ultimate source of such light. A great second dance simply mirrors the source of true enlightenment, like the moon reflects the light of the sun. When our relationships proceed under the light of His wisdom and protection we can find our way around the floor once more. Together Cindy and I have moved out of the darkness, listening to the Music of the One who calls Himself the Light of the World. He is really the One who is lightin' it up on the dance floor.

The Song of the Shared Life

2010-11-03T08:56:00.003-04:00

Cindy can't be ignored. She certainly caught my eye. She has a presence in public. I have seen her hold hundreds of people captive as she shared her story, manage a crisis situation with poise, and deftly negotiate challenging business transactions.

But our second dance is more about "offstage moments." We still start most days quietly over coffee. There are the private strategy discussions about how to grow our family business. The ongoing teasing about how moving a story of mine was---to me---lightens the air. You always remember the spectacular: our meeting at Longwood Gardens, teaching a tent full of Africans, and being at Roy Halladay's no hitter are treasured memories. But, the quiet rhythms of a shared life ground us. Years ago Noel Paul Stookey wrote, "Woman draws her life from man, and gives it back to him." That truth drew us to the dance a second time, and sustains us as we move around the floor.

Relational Rivers

2010-10-30T09:17:00.010-04:00

We used to say that my mentor Jack that he loved you and had a wonderful plan for your life." Those plans often pushed us to the ends of the earth. But Jack was not the only person who ever attempted to chart a course for me. In fact most of us are surrounded by people who have rather specific thoughts on how we should behave.

Jesus faces family pressure in John 7. His brothers are sure that he needed to show up at the Feast of Tabernacles and perform a few miracles to restore his popularity. Instead, he enters Jerusalem by the back door, laying low. He lets the tension build. Then on the last day when people expect God to act He simply stands up and and makes a bold claim. No fireworks, no water to wine, just a promise that rivers of living water will refresh those who turn to him.

Why is HE so abstract? It would have been easy to impress the crowd, win their acclaim. But Jesus demonstrates he is not interested in gaining our approval but restoring our souls. That path is walked in relationship with HIM, not in having a wish list fulfilled.

Commencing a second dance often conflicts with others' expectations of us. Those around us often have clear cut ideas of how folks in midlife should behave. We are meant to be "responsible" and calm. Instead yielding your heart to another partner often makes us a bit "crazy." It certainly takes our families outside their comfort zones. Sometimes our peers and coworkers are find that second chance romance altars our predicatably in unsettling ways. But you go for it, announcing that something some deep stream of fulfillment is meant as you begin to dance with another.

Setting the table for a second feast

2010-10-26T21:56:00.009-04:00

People have often been drawn toward one another to "reap the tangibles." They connect to collect some sort of material gain from being together. It's been going on for a long time.

Jesus faced that sort of stuff in John 6. Early in the chapter he feeds five thousand folks who had flocked to hear his teaching. Their response was to consider making him king. (They seemed ready to stage a 1st Century Tea Party to get the tax man from Rome off their backs). But Jesus was not buying into their agenda. He left town.

When they showed up for a second course, HE proceeds to "cut the squad." He challenges them to refocus their appetites on bread that will last, encourages them to put faith over food. It is not a popular message. The exit polls are not promising. As the chapter ends, HE looks around to see who is with HIM. Those few who stay understand that there is no place else to go for eternal life. Life is found through knowing the One who became flesh to lead us home.

When you move toward a second dance, you pause to note the "tangible benefits" of a shared life. But free laundry is not enough to get you to the altar the second time. Convenience alone won't keep you on the dance floor. It is about relationship. Trips to the supermarket and financial strategy sessions open the door on tomorrow. A new life is lived with someone who has touched your soul. A new season begins when you learn to feast together on the bread HE bakes.

Come on in, the Water is Fine

2010-10-17T21:14:00.007-04:00

Jesus has this way of asking folks strange questions. Take the lame man sitting by the pool of Bethesda in John 5. He had been laying there for years trying to beat everybody to the when the waters stirred. I would have thought he was the model of perseverance and determination. Then Jesus hit him with the question, "Do you want to get well?" Had I been the man, I would have been ready to answer, "No, Teacher, I actually like being a cripple!"

But there was no such sarcasm. Maybe this man knew what Jesus was driving at. It's easier to talk about change than to change. In my years of mobilizing peopleI found that many more middle aged folks were ready to talk about missions than were ready to make the transition to the mission field. At the end of the day, lots of us are more ready to limp along with unfulfilled dreams than we are to risk trying something new, looking foolish....or failing.

The man in the story took a faith risk. Jesus didn't help him get intto the healing pool. Instead, he told him to rise and walk. How risky was that? What if he stumbled? What if he couldn't even stand? How absurd would that look?

Those attempting a second dance have often learned to cope well as a solo routine. Sure it would be nice to be married again, but think of how disruptive married life might prove. Right now, you don't have to negotiate a furniture purchase, or share the remote. All that is to say, we often need to ask ourselves what we really want, before we look for solutions.

Then, too, Jesus forced the lame man to think outside the box. He had a plan for his healing, he just wanted help to execute that plan. Instead. The Master told him to believe, trust and act. He later faced the wrath of the authorities because he was healed on the Sabbath.

A Second Dance often begins outside the box, on HIS timetable not ours. Our first steps often feel awkward. Those around us are oftens shocked that we took the plunge! Still, we dance on because He assures us that we don't have to lay on the mat alone. Instead, we can rise and waltz, confident that the music we hear is a song of HIS choosing.

Back to the Well Once More

2010-10-15T09:57:00.010-04:00

Few stories have shaped my life more than the tale of HIS meeting with the woman at the well. (The Gospel of John chapter 4) As a young man just off a Kansas wheat farm, the declaration that the "fields are white for harvest" drove me in the direction of mission. My mentor Jack showed me how the deep promises of inner renewal (Living Water) run through this passage. And there was much to learn about "ministry through weakness" because He begins the conversation by asking for a drink. Since I spent much of my time relating to people of other cultures, I was intrigued by HIS first "cross-cultural evangelistic conversation" and scanned the story looking for principles on how to communicate truth across cultural caverns.

Only recently have I really tried to understand the woman's story. I found someone who bore the pain of broken relationships. I wonder if at some point she had numbed herself by pursuing multiple men, hoping each time that the new man would bring revival to her wounded heart. That heartbreak was compounded by the shame of rejection. Apparently the "good folks" of her town didn't want to be near her, so she is drawing water when nobody else was out. Jesus meets her and challenges her to believe that a new life is possible.

A lot of people who find their way to a second dance can relate to her. They encountered rejection or loss. The may have tried to deaden the pain in all sorts of ways. They begin to wonder if they have been consigned to aloneness for the duration. And suspect that is all they "deserve" anyway.

While some are called to live as singles for the rest of the journey, others of us are ordained to dare to dance again. We hear the words of Genesis 2:18 that "It is not good for the man to be alone." Reassured by this, we trust Him to lead them to a partner. Somehow we learn to trust, to share, to laugh, and to embrace again. Instead of avoiding gatherings we show up beside a new partner beaming with delight. In that experience we can receive the blessings of The One who refuses to leave us in our isolation and shame. We see the face of The One who sets us in communities of joy even as we learn the music of the Second Dance.

Rebuiling Not Remodeling.

2010-10-14T21:27:00.004-04:00

So often I want to approach life as a good man who needs just a little grooming. When I am I am in this mode, I want Jesus to bring just enough change to improve my image and make things easier. And I want Him to make those changes privately and discreetly.

What's more, I live in a world of my own ideas much of the time. I want Him to show me the right formula to make life work. Give me one self improvement booklet, and I'm good to go.

That's why I identify with Nicodemus in John 3. He was a nice religious guy with a decent reputation. When Jesus gets His attention he comes to Him at night. He is quietly looking for a quick fix. I wonder if he hopes Jesus could give Him just enough theological insight to get him over the hump. Maybe if he could get the key doctrine from Jesus he could put together an effective new discipleship program. And he comes at night; no need to make a fuss you know.

Instead, Jesus deconstructs his whole approach to spirituality. He calls him to rebirth, not redesign. Make no mistake, following Jesus is going to take you in a messy and scary direction.

Those of us daring enough to undertake a second dance experience this truth all over again. Cindy and I hoped that our new life would be fun and exciting. But we also expected some sense of order and control. We would rearrange the furniture of our life and keep on going.

Instead, he has gutted the house and is slowly rebuilding. We find most of our assumptions about location, relationships and vocation have been challenged. Many of this Divine Disruptions have been surprisingly public. He has called us to a life of transparency.

One thing I know: I didn't add Cindy to my life, like bringing home a new book to the read and put on the shelf. Instead, Jesus asks us to trust his work as the Master Architect. We are still waiting for him to finish the new house. We would even like to see the Final Drawings. But He has assured us that all will be constructed His way, on His timetable. Meanwhile, he tells us, dance on, confidently---even if floor is unfinished and the paintings are not yet hung.

Uncork a New Bottle

2010-10-13T12:49:00.013-04:00

I have always loved the story of Jesus turning water into wine. Through that event I encountered Him as Miracle Worker, Attentive Son, and Party Guy. Jesus reveals a few other things about himself.

First, you can never put Hm in a box. Just about the time you have this Guy figured out He is likely to startle you. Those surprises can be as delightful as finding something new in Scripture, or discovering a rainbow, or watching a Roy Halladay no-hitter. They can be as disruptive as an unwelcome change at work, making you wonder if He is paying attention. As you weep over a family death you feel like shouting at Jesus, "why didn't you do something to heal him? We prayed!" Whatever the surprise, He springs it in order to take us further down the road.

Here in this passage you suddenly find Jesus providing wine to sustain a feast. Later on you find Him going to Calvary when He could have easily walked away. He never does behave the way we expect and that often leaves us unsettled, confused, forced to trust Him that He knows best.

Second, you see Him committed to us for the long haul. In John 2, the party is losing steam and He acts to bring it back to life. A new season of joy begins. So, it is for us. We find ourselves disillusioned, tired of giving, broken and alone. And He shows up and life is renewed. We have to trust him to fill up the empty vessel of our heart, to incite us to dance as we sample new wine.

For some of us, sampling new wine could involve pursuing life with someone new. Others will taste a fresh vintage as they pursue serving Him overseas. For all of us who are worried that the party is over, He calls us to sit down and let Him serve us a new glass of "living wine." When you have taken that cup, new joy and purpose is bound to follow.

A Renewed Call to Describe the Dance

2010-10-12T17:38:00.006-04:00

My blogging days began on a whim. Everybody was doing it. Then fueled by desperation, a serious phase chronicled Nancy's journey home. There were months spent mapping the dark caverns of grief. As I climbed out of that grief I wrote with the giddy joy of someone who found a partner to laugh with again. I often wrote out of a need to stay connected as I rode the roller coaster.

But as Cindy and I into our second dance, the blogging slowed down. It was hard to describe the discovery of my new partner with the same measured perspective that I brought to recounting the end of a 35 year journey. Some folks couldn't keep up with the change of direction I had made. Some wondered if writing was self-indulgent. So, I had to search my heart. Should I continue to write about the twists and turns of the second dance?

This past week we heard a renewed call to chronicle our progress. Why? Why risk feeling judged and misunderstood again? Why not just go silent? Why not just let it alone?

There is a simple answer. We will continue sharing our story to make a path for those who travel similar roads. We are pointing others to the same comfort that we found as we come to terms with suffering and loss. We hope that others will dare to believe that mourning and sorrow is not meant to separate us from hope. We should embrace the prospect that God has more for us. Living this side of the resurrection means that renewal continues even in our autumn years. We live in open defiance of the gloomy projection that we are "living in God's second best."

Instead, we will ask others to take risks because joy is found in trusting Him to lead us forward. So, we will keep writing, risking and reaching even as we seek to lay hold of the Heavenly Prize. We call out to those who have known disappointment, grief or frustration. Join us in searching for this divine choreography. Never doubt it: the best is yet to be!

We Were There

2010-10-10T18:46:00.005-04:00

Yogi Berra once said, "If you watch baseball long enough you are bound to behold something you have never seen before." I thought of Yogi Wednesday night after we watched Roy Halladay throw the first ever post season no-hitter by a National League pitcher.

Around us people were cheering, weeping, and hugging strangers. We hugged each other, savoring a moment made all the sweeter by the fact that our trip to Citizens Bank Park was made on Dan's birthday. There was considerable enjoyment in seeing such a masterful performance firsthand. But the joy ran deeper than that. We had undertaken the Second Dance determined to make memories. And so we have. October 6, 2010 will be one of the most unique memories we'll ever enjoy.

And we will continue to live life in a way that lets us see things that we have never watched happen before. Such a hope rests on the character of a generous God who promises us to do "exceeding abundantly beyond all that we could ask or imagine."

Celebrating Life

2010-10-06T12:40:00.002-04:00

This time around I have thought of how a birthday is a celebration of life. Today I thought of my parents who gave me life and installed the foundations of my life. I thought of many friends and mentors who shaped my life.

But I also celebrate the reality of a life shared with a companion who listens, who wakes me up to pancakes and who helps me lean into the future.

A celebration of life shared. That is the essence of the Second Dance!

Newlyweds No More

2010-10-05T09:05:00.004-04:00

Much has happened since the last post. Sometimes living through the good stuff involves getting time for perspective I intend to "backfill" some of the story over the next few days.
First, I want to note a very important date.

On September 27, we were newlyweds no more. That was an occasion to celebrate. We celebrated lots of firsts so far in our time together, but we both craved stability, and the acceptance that comes from no longer being in the phase where the expression of our love is dismissed with "Oh, they're just newlyweds." When you're in your 50's you resist the idea that you're a couple of naive kids on a hormone high.

The last few months we found ourselves less often putting out the fact that we had just got married. This was harder for Dan than Cindy. Dan lives on a tell everybody everything setting while Cindy understands discretion. Slowly even Dan began to grasp value in projecting stability, rather than novelty to those who observe or those who look to us for leadership.

Don't misunderstand, we may be newlyweds no more, but the honeymoon continues. There is still much joy in learning the second dance

The Dances of our Youth

2010-08-17T22:43:00.004-04:00

A second dance can only follow a first.

A self-evident fact.
A complex reality.

A complication to our life together
A foundation for our life together

A subject never taken lightly.
A subject always treated respectfully.

A cause for laughter as we recount the good times.
A cause for tears as we recount the hard times.

A source of wisdom as we confront the present.
A source of perspective as we face the future.

A great test of our love.
A great wellspring for our love.

Here's to the steps each of us took
To reach this second dance floor,
This new dance,
Together.

The Clothing of Thanksgiving

2010-08-16T21:12:00.004-04:00

This morning I shared a special conversation with a new friend. We learned that each of us had lost a spouse to cancer. As we compared notes I learned that her journey was even quicker than mine. While Nancy and I spent nine months on our last chapter, Sherry had lost her man in just a week. We both quickly shared the pain in the partings we had known.

But I was far more impressed with the spirit of thanksgiving she expressed as she looked back. She told me she had asked God to deliver her late husband from suffering. And she saw his quick parting as mercy, as a reason to be grateful.

I thought back to the "completion" I experienced in saying goodbye to Nancy, the fierce joy I felt in delivering her "safe at home." And I discerned a common thread. Sherry and I had both found a way to give thanks even in loss. Avoiding bitterness we moved on, to find another dance parnter, to live life again.

Tonight I looked across the room and remembered my bride's story. The path of forgiveness that Cindy walked prior to our meeting created the space for her to dance with me.

Finding His grace amidst our suffering allowed us to love. Thus, we can both sing, "God bless the broken road that led me straight to you." This is not a "triumph of the will". It is a gift of God, The One of whom it said:

You turned my wailing into dancing,

You removed my sackcloth

And clothed me with joy

Psalm 30:11

Keys, Towels and Concerts---Together

2010-08-15T22:05:00.005-04:00

A few days ago we staged a discussion about who was using whose towel on whose towel rack. Just now her keys were found in my pocket, leading to a mock punch. Sharing the remote is interesting when one of us prefers Law and Order. the other the History Channel.

But those situations provoke joy, not conflict. Having someone to share a towel rack with is of far greater importance than having "my towel" on the right peg. Thursday's Rascal Flatts concert was awesome, because my country girl was beside me singing the lyrics all night long.

Today we spent ten hours side by side building vision for the "Building Hope" mission trip we are taking at the end of the month. Ministry undertaken with greater power and much more joy because we do it together.

A shared life is a great blessing. The appreciation for each moments is much sweeter when this is your Second Dance.

Beariing One Another's Burdens

2010-08-13T12:53:00.004-04:00

Paul tells us to "bear one another's burdens and thus fulfill the law of Christ." A second dance affords many chances to follow that direction.

We were facing a major decision recently. I looked at her and confessed, "I am confused. My head is a plate of spaghetti." The next morning she woke up and laid it all out there. Clearly and Concisely. And we went forward from there.

A few days later, she was stung by a fresh wound. I just held on, and promised not to let go. The next day, God showed up.

We brought many burdens into this dance. That is to be expected after years of doing life before we met. We carry one another's bags when necessary. And we keep dancing. That is the pace of a second dance.

Be Ye Glad

2010-08-11T22:57:00.002-04:00

My facebook status the last couple days reflected a 3 dimensional thanksgiving

Glad for the life that was...This past week I remembered our wedding day and gave thanks for the good and gentle woman who danced with me for 33 years. My heart remembers how good that life was.
Glad for the life that is...Cindy and I are a year into this dance. Even the ordinary brings laughter and joy. Today I asked her if she ever thought groceries could ever be so much fun.
Glad for the life that will be...He calls us to finish this task, this dance, this race...and then embrace the prize for all eternity.

His grace was and is and will be the theme of every step we take.

Building Hope Far and Wide

2010-08-10T08:49:00.005-04:00

Hempfield Methodist Church has become our spiritual home. We have been nourished by the preaching, teaching and fellowship as we settled into life in Landisville. Coming to HUMC has under girded our sense of place.

It also contributed to a sense of purpose. Shortly after I arrived here, I went out to breakfast with John Longmire HUMC's Senior Pastor. That led to an invitation to join a missions trip aimed at establishing a deeper partnership with a new congregation in Kenya. I agreed to go as long as Cindy was invited. So, we leave August 29 for Wachara, Kenya as part of project called "Building Hope in Kenya."

This opportunity thrills us for several reasons. Dan has spent much of his adult life building Kingdom-centered cross-cultural partnerships. Building Hope allows him to continue that pursuit. Cindy has assisted ministry to African orphans through her web design and hosting for various ministries. Building Hope will lead us to contact with Kenyan kids. This venture will be our first trip overseas and God is using it to shape our vision for the future.

We are raising funds for this trip. So, if you would like to contribute, email dmacha1953@yahoo.com and I will give you the details. But most importantly pray that God will use us to build hope that the Kingdom is coming in East Africa, Central Pennsylvania, and into our own hearts with great power.
If you would like to hear this story in our own words visit: http://hempfieldumc.com/communication/recordings/macha_testimony.mp3

Sabbath Clarity

2010-08-05T18:54:00.006-04:00

I expected to write more. Really. Instead, we have been trying to find the pace of this life we've chosen. It's almost as if I am pealing back the callouses from 34 years of city life.

This summer I regained the heart of the Kansas farm boy. I am often awakened to the sounds of chirping birds. A quiet walk or intense bike ride raises my heart rate. I drive past fertile corn fields each day. Meanwhile, we pull weeds, mow the grass and work on house projects with great regularity.

But something more has happened! We have begun to hear God more often. His voice has cut through the quiet along Baffy Ave, risen above the din we still hear from those puzzled by our dance. We have heard HIM define the next chapter. And we are excited at what will follow. Soon.

Sabbath Move

2010-06-08T11:25:00.004-04:00

We are finally winding down the cleaning, unboxing and home remodeling phase of our move. Yesterday the last strip of new carpet was laid. It has been an intense time. We have worked hard, and lots of emotions are stirred in the midst of this kind of transition.

However, the last few weeks have been just what the doctor ordered. A couple of months ago Cindy announced, "I just need to do a project." Well, this was involved enough to fulfill that need for her formidable skills. She told me over the weekend, "It will be a while before I make that statement again."

Meanwhile, the physical work has been good for me. I am feeling more fit after all the climbing, carrying and ripping. Last week I read an article in a back issue of Leadership magazine that discussed Sabbath rests for ministry people. The author suggested that we spend much of our time focusing on God as Redeemer as we tend to repair broken relationships, correct misunderstandings and bringing healing and wholeness to souls. Thus, our Sabbath rest should often focus on connecting with God as Creator. That appreciation can be cultivated by various physical tasks. This move connected me to the tangible side of life in very concrete ways. So, this transition has been a Sabbatical.

Yet, we hit the wall a bit the past day or so. The adrenaline from this challenge is no longer flowing. There is a bit of "what next?" that has overtaken me. So, this morning Cindy and I sat down and pleaded with Our Father to refocus us. Then, I read through 2 Timothy. Paul's last letter reminded me to let God shape me through hardship as I use my gifts to refocus my calling as a herald of the gospel. Please pray that the "next step" comes into focus as we continue with "Life in Landisville."

Just Married

2010-06-07T08:11:00.003-04:00

May 29 was a big occasion for us. We spent the day helping our good friends Steve and Sharon. Two wonderful folks who found each other on line, they had chosen that day to formally begin their own second dance. We have had the joy of walking with them toward that day. So, it thrilled us to have a part in their ceremony. Our responsive scripture readings were intertwined into the recitation of their vows. Very cool.

This honor also marked our first joint public ministry. We trust it is the first fruits of a dream. Cindy and I have longed prayed for God to use us in helping other couples find their way on the dance floor to the second dance. Our mutually supportive friendship with Steve and Sharon gives us hope to keep praying for these doors to open. Our dance was never meant to be conducted in an empty room. We keep asking the Father to use us to teach others these new steps of love.

Boots and Books are Made for Walking

2010-06-03T16:01:00.007-04:00

After our wedding we maintained two different households for a while. We had room for most of our stuff. That changed with last month's move. The last week we have trying to fit all of our belongings under one roof.

The morning this picture was taken, I had concluded that we could either get all of my books or all Cindy's shoes into our house, but not both. Books are like old friends to me, so I hate to say goodbye to any of them. Cindy is an accomplished career woman who hasn't shared closet space in years. Her job and lifestyle required updating her wardrobe frequently. So, we had both felt lots of liberty about hanging on to belongings.

But we commited to a place, and to dwell together. So, Cindy cleared out some closet space. So, there are now a lot of tall well dressed women running around PA with some bargain fashions. I parted with dozens of books, trying to find them good homes as best I could. Hopefully, a few readers will be surprised by unexpected literary treasure. Other items were sent to thrifts shops: furniture, tvs, dishes, etc. It was an impressive list.

Slowly, it is coming together because we want to create a life together more than we long to protect our acquisitions. The courage to let go of prized possessions for the sake of the one you love is part of the Second Dance.

Packing Posting

2010-05-20T13:39:00.005-04:00

The Lord said to Abram,

"Leave your country,

your people,

and your father's household

and go to the land I will will show you.

...so, Abram left as the LORD told him.

Genesis 12:1...4a

Abraham's story astounds me. Here is this accomplished man of seventy-five who leaves his familiar surroundings to begin a uncharted journey to an undisclosed location. He casts aside his sense of place, his community and his family to wander down a new path of obedience to God. He walks away from everything that would have given him status, security and stability to follow the One who issues a new call. He has no airline ticket, now Mapquest directions, he doesn't even know the zip code. He just goes.

Ever since returning from our honeymoon, God began preparing us to hit the road, closing some doors, while blowing others off the hinges. He called me leave World Harvest after over thirty years of ministry in that community. Since then HE has led us to take another break from my role as an elder at New Life Church. We began worshipping at the church where we were married. Finally, we were directed away from the "dual location lifestyle" we adopted last fall. We are taking up full-time residence in Landisville beginning this Saturday May 22. So, the past two weeks have been full of packing boxes and other moving logistics.

This process has stretched our faith as it unfolded. At times, we seemed adrift in the whitewater of the Nile. There have been moments when I felt like Schnookie, howling because the old carpet had been ripped out.

Abram was 75 when he began his new pilgrimage. I am only 57, so I shouldn't complain. Seriously, though, we are excited to see how God has been giving us a place, a group of people to live among. We are still seeing HIM define our purpose. But a number of intriguing ventures have already emerged. We wait for the Lord to show us where this new adventure will lead in the ahead. However, we remain confident of our final destination: "ETERNITY!" We will keep you posted with dispatches from the road.

He only looks adorable!

2010-05-18T13:13:00.006-04:00

One recent morning I heard Schnookie crying outside our bedroom door at 4:30. He may have been telling us that he was scared of the thunder. He may have wanted outside to pee. He may been trying to get us out of bed for our morning walk.

But most likely he was complaining about the state of the floor. As we prepare to move to Landisville full-time we have pulled up the old carpets upstairs. New carpets are on the way. But from Schnookie's perspective the current situation seems like a catastrophe. The view from four inches suggests chaos. He doesn't have a high enough perspective to remember that the walls are intact, the roof is still on and his caregivers are still around, supplying his every need.

I am often prone to whine like Schnookie. I see the disruptions in my little world and become convinced that carpet is gone, the roof is off the building and I am completely alone. Instead, the upheavals HE allows are often his way of ripping out the used fabric of my life in order to lay out a new tapestry.

Going with the Flow

2010-05-03T18:24:00.009-04:00

Recently, my famous Ugandan boating accident came to mind. Eight years ago I was pulled into the Nile while whitewater rafting. It was the most violent and frightening 45 seconds of my life. I didn't feel safe until a Ugandan kayaker help drag me out of the water.

In retrospect, I have decided my gravest danger was not from the raging current that carried me down the river. It would have been far worse to have gotten stuck. Had I tried to pause under the water midway through the rapids I would have drowned. If I had lodged under the boat I would have drowned. If I had been caught by a rock and held underwater I would have drowned. Instead, gravity carried me past the danger into calm waters.

What brought this story to mind? The last few years Cindy and I have been swept along by a floodtide of change. We found each other in midstream. We have learned to hold onto to one another as our dance took us further downstream. Sometimes the pace of this ride has been dizzying. We have both longed to stop the flow at some point. But we have no choice but to continue to shoot the rapids as we experience the changes that come from building a new life. If we tried to stop the process we would get sucked into a downward spiral of fear and self-protection.

In spite of all this change a constant remains. Jesus who is the same yesterday, today and forever. We will clear these rapids safely in His time.

A new motor, chain and remotes, please!

2010-04-28T20:43:00.004-04:00

Yesterday it was time to bite the bullet. We had to accept the fact that our tweaking was not going to get the job done. So, I went to Sears and bought a new garage door opener.

As I said earlier, sometimes you can't just adjust a setting and make everything better. You have to take radical steps. Cindy and I are learning that the Second Dance requires more than rearranging an old tune. It means writing our own music. Our new arrangements are scored by finding a place to live, a body in which to worship, a ministry in which to serve. Those answers don't come without change, without pain, without disruptions. But we press ahead, claiming our spot on the dance floor, wondering where the tune will carry us next.

PS I bought the 2 year service plan....just in case.

7 months and counting

2010-04-26T21:55:00.004-04:00

A few people were worried about us as our wedding approached. We had been through a lot the last few years, were we emotionally able to make this step? Had it been too fast? Did we know each other well enough? Those were some of the questions we fielded last summer.

We listened, shared our thoughts, and moved ahead. The day before our wedding a wise mentor blessed us with this counsel. "Some of the folks who are concerned about you are 'worrying out of love.' They need to see you in a few months. If they can tell you are happy in six months, they'll come around." So, we moved ahead with marriage aI tried to stop persuading folks to change their opinions. Instead, we started living out our wedding vows for all to see.

Our friend had given us sage advice. A suggestion I savor. I sit here tapping on the keyboard while Cindy shares some special moments with one of the "concerned parties" of seven months ago. That person and most of the others have come around. Surprised, amused, sometimes a bit bewildered, but unable to deny that the dance continues with unabated joy.

1.5 Horsepower Adjustment

2010-04-25T13:30:00.004-04:00

Last night found us working in the garage. We were trying to get the door to open and close to the exact distance. We would turn the the settings a notch and try again. Then we would measure, reflect and consider whether it had actually moved further down. Next we would make another refinement.

"Surely, this will be the the breakthrough!" we'd assure ourselves. Then, "Click!" The thing would move and we would be back to square one. This went on for two hours. At midnight, we decided to give it---and us---a rest.

Life has those moments. We think we are really close to having things fine tuned to perfection. Then a relationship breaks, a job changes, or an illness overtakes us and the garage door opener of life no longer works. When the switch no longer works we are reduced to complete dependence on the One Who Holds All Things together.

We have had those moments in the Second Dance. We get close to "perfect tranquility;" that place we can just coast. Then the winds of chaos bring us back to our knees so that we can hear the music of the Master Conductor calling us to keep in step with HIM---and one another.

You've changed!

2010-04-21T22:12:00.002-04:00

I have often heard that I am different since I met Cindy. My sister in law told me that I started laughing again when Cindy showed up. Someone else shared that I seemed to use different expressions and that I presented ideas in new and more tangible ways. That thought was scary to those used to listening to funny, fuzzy and slighly muddled "Uncle Dan." At times such suggestions were hard to hear, to receive, to embrace. They sometimes relected fear or criticism. I became afraid that such change was undesirable.

Recently, I renounced such reservations. Of course I have changed! How could a person found in the wake of the most cataclysmic events of my adult life not bring change? She, who helped me walk out of the valley of grief, has shaped the path of joy we now share. She, who knew long seasons of loneliness, often wakes up smiling at me.

Yep, Dan and Cindy are changing even as they dance. And the next trip around the floor will bring further transformation. After all, neither one of us have danced all the way home. And finding our path will change the way the steps are timed.

Two Way Street

2010-03-03T20:27:00.004-05:00

Goodness knows, I like to talk. A lot. And I enjoy having someone to hear my words. That was one of the things that drove me to the Second Dance. It is important to have a listening ear.

But a funny thing happened when I found my audience. When I discovered my new partner I found a conversational counterpart. With Cindy, I talk, she listens. Then she responds. I then take in what she says, think about it and get back to her. New opinions are considered, new ideas take shape, new plans are forged, new decisions are implemented.

The dance goes on in harmony. After all, it is a two way street.

Nailed It!

2010-02-28T16:04:00.003-05:00

Today at church Pastor John preached about how the Cross gives us "perfect obedience." We were reminded that, for the believer, it is not "I" who live, but "Christ" who lives in me. At the end of the service, he encouraged us to come forward and nail the old nature to the small wooden crosses place at the altar.

It was a moving time. I "nailed" the old Dan's propensity for anger, defensiveness and fear. I walked out of the church with a renewed sense that HE has given me victory over sin, and power to live with love and hope.

A second dance frequently calls you to die to the "old man." We often have to remind one another that we are not living in the past, we are not defined by old hurts and sorrows. We can conduct our current dance unbostructed by previous injuries. The brokenness we knew has been removed. After all, HE nailed it!!

Thank God She's a Country Girl

2010-02-27T12:45:00.008-05:00

Because she is a country girl, we climb on roofs together, and fix broken satellite tv connections.

Because she is a country girl, we shovel out a path to the mailbox.

Because she is a country girl, we sit out under the stars at night.

Because she is a country girl, we had a blast at the Tim McGraw concert on Sunday.

Because she is a country girl, we love the quiet peace. of home.

Because she is country girl, she understands what it really means to be a lady.

the value of learning to follow a new tune

2010-02-26T07:26:00.004-05:00

Some people have found us quite a handful. Admittedly, it is hard to keep up with this unlikely couple. We have over a century of baggage attached to our union. We live in two places, and attend three different churches.

At times I could feel guilty about what it has cost people who have tried to follow our dance. Then I remember that Henri Nouwen taught me that Kingdom Community grows as HIS people try to live out the challenge of loving amidst suffering and inconvenience. And the guilt vanishes, the apology melts and we invite people to the dance floor, urging them to learn to enjoy the rhythms of our new tune.

365 days later

2010-02-14T19:20:00.002-05:00

Last Valentine's Day I showed up at her house. We shared our hearts at the Rock. We ate salmon by candlelight. Later we went to a Christian comedy act with Jeff and Jenn. Before I left we published an important blog entry about the previous journey. This morning we went to church together, looked all over Lancaster for snow shovels, ate turkey with Cody and shared stories of our new marriage with Jeff and Jenn.

Then, we pursued a life together. Today we rested in a life entwined. 365 days later we enjoy simple pleasures born from daring risks taken to find a Valentine for Life.

Overhauling the Transmission

2010-02-07T19:11:00.005-05:00

Cindy and I spent some of yesterday's "snow day" reading through emails that we wrote to one another before we ever met. I read mine to her, she read the ones she wrote to me. It was fun, endearing and touching. It reminded me that God knit our hearts together very quickly. Our first emails were full of hopes and longings and blossoming affection. We had shifted into overdrive pretty quickly. It took us both some time to acknowledge how fast love had blossomed.

Some folks we knew saw me emerge from grief very quickly. Cindy's camp saw her reconfigure her life to include me before they knew my middle name. It stripped their gears trying to keep up. We were moving quickly down the Interstate of Love, headed to the Turnpike of Matrimony. Some of them were suck on the On Ramp trying to catch up to Dan and Cindy's speeding Corvette.

We ended up in matrimony square, happy to begin this new life. However, we looked around to find that some key players had yet to find their way into our new neighborhood. This weekend, once again, we found ourselves putting it in reverse to go back to get two important people who had been left behind on our journey. As my meeting with them concluded, they promised that they would catch up with us in due time. So to them, and the rest of you trying to arrive at our new home, let me promise this: "We'll leave the light on for you!"

don't waste this suffering

2010-02-05T06:35:00.004-05:00

Recently, a dear friend who lost her daughter tragically two years before shared a prayer she had learned to pray: "God, don't waste this suffering. Let the pain I have gone through point others to the King."

I found myself crying "amen" through my tears as I read those words. Cindy and I have known and continue to experience considerable suffering as life's journey unfolds. Our brokenness takes us to the One who restores all things. But we long for more. We long to see our story used to heal the broken hearts of others. We pray to encourage others to reach for something more amidst sadness and loss. We don't want this pain to be wasted.

And so we dance. Purposefully. Gleefully. Hopefully. Publicly. Calling others to the dance floor. Praying that they will move in faith, confident that our story can encourage others that after darkness comes light.

Touchdown!

2010-02-02T20:56:00.008-05:00

This year Cindy and I are celebrating memories as we fly past the one year landmarks of our second dance. Take Tonight. I am thinking of February 2, 2009.

Cindy invited me up to her house in Landisville to watch her beloved Steelers take on the Cardinals in the Super Bowl. I was on edge as I drove the 84 miles from Glenside. These were not pre-game jitters. I was facing a situation I would never have imagined only a few months before. I was about to meet my new girlfriend's kids. How does a guy handle this? What is the etiquette?

Cindy opened the door, displaying her wonderful blend of warmth and poise. A few minutes later we were in the basement shooting darts. Later she told me she thought a few rounds would help me calm down a bit. Yeah, my jitters were pretty obvious to her shrewd eyes. How much courage did it take to play darts with me right then? A lot! I could have hit her with an errant toss given how I was feeling inside.

Cody, Kayla and Matt were all great that night. They left the snarling to Schnookie. The dog managed to bite my hand when I moved it toward Cindy. (That still remains a risky move. He's highly territorial.) Anyway, the game was tight. She started yelling at the TV during the fourth quarter to get the team on track. Gotta love her passion about sports! The Steelers pulled the game out in the closing moments. This prompted cheers, high fives and chest bumps pretty much all around.

I left the house that night knowing I had found a great friend who would enhance any sporting event. I was gonna see her again. Soon. Yesterday, I left that house in Landisville beside my bride. Today I am warmed by the memories of the first night I traveled to Baffy Ave. We scored a touchdown that night as she and I warmed up for the Second Dance.

here's to the future

2010-01-31T20:51:00.003-05:00

After our wedding we had work to do. A few big issues from our past remained to be resolved. We knew they were hanging out there. We decided to face them as man and wife. Last Monday wrote the final page of a difficult chapter. There was a bit of "funeral" for us as that matter drew to a close. Yet as the stubble of past seasons burned away we made room for new plantings, for planting new seeds, for anticipating a harvest to come.

We now resolve to lay aside the past, to live in the present and to lean into the future. So, we move forward, free of old entanglements we embrace the chapter we are to write in the days ahead.

Christmas Past, Christmas Present, Christmas Future

2009-12-23T23:16:00.003-05:00

I haven't written much this fall. A dear friend of mine suggested that the whirlwind pace at which we began our second dance left me with little time for writing with perspective. So, instead of writing, we have been living, settling in, growing quietly more content, falling more deeply in love each day.

As the year ends though it is time to take stock. Yesterday I amtraked into Philadelphia from our house in Lancaster. The countryside was covered in snow. It was a great setting to stare out the window and reflect. I found my mind drifting to years gone by, Christmas in Kansas with Mom and Dad, the years in Ireland, presents opened up on 319 Easton Road and last year's mix of sweetness and sorrow. I also recalled stories of years without presents under the tree.

I thought of the present Christmas, our first together. We made joint shopping trips to Target where we filled shopping carts full of toys for the grandkids. Meanwhile I was preparing to surprise Cindy as I listened and looked for clues to what would delight her. I reflected on the challenges of blending clans and traditions.

I looked ahead to Christmases Future. I hope for ears in which the rituals are anticipated, where expectations are clearer for every member of our extended clan. I long for Christmases of building memories together, where our joint calling is certain, where are paths are well marked and clear.

This time last year I had not laid eyes on Cindy. Now we wake up beside one another, happy to be beside one another, so ready to do another day's sharing life as man and wife. That is a lot to be thankful for this Christmas present, it fills me with thanksgiving for the Christmases that got us here, and fills me with hope for the Christmases yet to come. In the face of all this, I found myself echoing the words of Tiny Tim, "God bless us, everyone."

Home

2009-10-24T23:29:00.002-04:00

When we went to get our marriage license I was totally stymied by the question, "Where do you live?" I had just moved out of the house on Easton Road and was settling into the apartment in Elkins Park. By then, Cindy and I knew that the house on Baffy Ave in Landisville was going to be the hub of family life for holidays and stuff. So, I sputtered until the lady behind the desk said, "It doesn't really matter."

Okay, but the sense of disorientation/reorientation is pretty profound as we commence our life together. But we have decided, that "home" is wherever we are when we are together. And that makes sense. We find our anchoring in relationship, no human relationship is more foundational than marriage. So, Cindy and I feel at home beside one another. That is just as it should be. When we committed to one another we found a new address, a new home.

At last: A post-wedding update

2009-10-14T17:05:00.006-04:00

Cindy and I “began our second dance” September 26 in Lancaster when we exchanged wedding vows.

In our personal vows, she reported that 310,000 electronic words were exchanged to get this unlikely couple to the altar. I promised to remain in “recruiter mode,” pursuing her for the rest of my life. The ceremony ended with us executing one of our patented “spin moves.”
After a few quiet days in Myrtle Beach, we returned to Pennsylvania to begin our new life together. Weekdays begin as we leave our apartment to put Cindy on the 8:04 train. She leaves Elkins Park bound for the center city offices of the American Heart Association for whom she serves as a Regional Vice President for Customer Strategies. Weekends take us to Lancaster to check on the young adults who still live in her house, mow the lawn and catch a slice of country life. That is our transition lifestyle, as we take a year to more clearly discern how God wants us to blend our gifts to serve HIM as one.

Just now, it is great to share morning coffee and night time prayers with one another. We will learn to walk together one day at a time. Pray for a walk reflecting His love and the Spirit’s harmony in our lives.

Heading West

2009-09-24T07:27:00.003-04:00

We have 2 days, 8 hours and 25 minutes, 'til the altar...YES I am counting!!! Meanwhile, I have done my last load of laundry. The counter tops are wiped down. In less than an hour, I will pack up the car, and begin the day-long trek to Lancaster. (Part of the journey involves a day at the office). Anyway, I won't come back to this apartment without my bride.

"Our journey" began months ago
With a whimsical "hi" on Love and Seek.com

It continued through emails, phone calls,
A face to face meeting, amidst lights and flowers.
The pre-dance ritual included movies, baseball games, travels, laughter and prayers and tears.
It led to a question, a ring, and a trip to the mountain to set the date.

God is good. I was terrified to be alone. HE sent Cindy.

"40 Days" ago I was scared to move into this place without a roommate.
But God met me here.
In the quiet.
Preparing me to head West
To claim my bride

The dance will commence in earnest at 4pm this coming Saturday.
Pray for the music to play with clarity and joy....for a long, long time.

The Prayer Chair

2009-09-02T20:23:00.005-04:00

Yesterday was a bit of a coming out for us as a couple. Cindy joined us at WHM for part of our Day of Prayer. When the time came, we shared part of our story, asked for the staff to intercede for us, and sat in the "Prayer Chair" as the staff asked God to bless our impending union.

My co-workers had played a major role in getting us here. I had first asked them to pray for us last winter. So, it meant a lot to have them praying us toward the altar

Words, Words, Words

2009-08-28T17:57:00.002-04:00

We often marvel at the ease, the depth and the range of our conversations. We cover a lot of ground. I can honestly say that Cindy and I have talked about almost everything the past few months. We don't expect big surpises once we are under the same roof. Surpises, yes, just not big ones. Well, I hope that is the case anyway.

This verbal stream has been such a vital part of the dance. You see, we don't have the years, or the energy to find things out strictly by observation or intuition. We have had to help one another along via "full disclosure." Sometimes these talks are fun and quirky, other times they can seem painful and exhausting. Oddly, too, there is no "quiet one" in this couple; we are both eager to share with the other. We have found joy in such rapid fire interaction.

May there never be awkward, chilly silences. May we always be ready to hear what the other is so ready to disclose. May this always be a relationship filled with "words, words, words."

Praying in Step

2009-08-25T20:25:00.002-04:00

Dan to Cindy: B safe (on the roads) today

Cindy to Dan: Praying for focus and productivity

This text exchange says so much about the heart of our partnership. We are called to care for one another through prayer and encouragement. As the male leader I am called to set the tempo in prayer. Cindy prays for me with the insight that only my best friend can have.

As we pray for one another we hold the umbrella over one another. Over us. Thus, we not only weather the storm, we dance through the rain! In this way, praying with and for one another provides the foundation for the dance floor.

Beyond the Condo and Into the World

2009-08-20T22:13:00.003-04:00

There is great joy in an autumn dance. Great delight. At times we have joked that our vision could be summarized in the phrase, "One Bedroom Condo." Simplifying our lives sounds wonderful. Being together may calm things down a bit. No more late night trips up the Pennsylvania Turnpike. No more long phone calls with the cell glued to the ear. We both long for some quiet evenings in this 1000 square foot apartment I rented. So, too, we look forward to growing old together, rather than alone.

However, we believe we are destined for a season beyond ourselves--a time of bearing fruit "outside this hut." A time of combining our gifts and going places, loving people, making a difference for the ONE who has crafted our impending union. But where? How? In what mode and fashion? Indeed, what location?

That's why we rented this place. We want to watch and pray, and wait 'til HE shows us where the road ahead is to lead. Join us during this season as we wait upon HIM to retool our vision to include one another. And for us to grow to the place where we two are striving as one for the sake of the gospel.

Letting Go, Laying Hold

2009-08-19T08:06:00.003-04:00

A year ago today I surrendered Nancy to hospice. This week Cindy confronts her past in tangible ways. There have been, there are, there will be moments of sadness and pain for us as we dance together. It is the nature of the second dance. We will continue to face this reality for the rest of our lives.

At the same time we savor the moments of growing together. We talk about how to deal with one of my rental properties and I am so glad for her business experience. We have a "well, duh" moment when we remember our names have to be included as wefinalize how many people we can have at the wedding reception. We marvel at how quickly the logistics are handled. And we pray about where God will take us in service to HIM.

In these ways and more we try to live out Paul's thought in Phil 3: "Forgetting what what is behind, and straining toward what is ahead we press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called us heavenward in Christ Jesus."

40 Days of Pre-Marital Purpose

2009-08-17T07:43:00.005-04:00

40 days from today we are to be married. For someone like me there is tremendous temptation to ask God to put me in a time machine and transport me to September 26. Clearly, I don't like being single. I don't like being alone. And I love Cindy. But the Time Machine idea is not only unlikely, but unwise. She framed it for me recently. We need this season to get ready.

We need some planning time. Yeah we only confirmed our date ten days ago. There are a few things to do even in a small wedding. But she and I can outline and execute an event like this at light speed. Trust me. We work well together.

But the most important preparation is a season of praying. This morning I read in Daniel that God changes times and seasons. (Dan2:21a). It is a season change we have undertaken. Before the marriage season begins we need a short "pre-season." A season to meet God. A season to prepare our hearts, minds and souls to meet each other. We are praying that HE will meet each of us. Then meet with us. Then have us meet. For HIS purpose and glory.

Pray with us for the next forty days. For our good and HIS glory.

picking up the pen again

2009-08-14T22:56:00.003-04:00

This has been my longest blogging break in some time. To be honest, there was a lot going on.

I have been busy moving out of my house on Easton Road. It had been home to Nancy and me for most of our 33 year journey. I found myself sorting through a lifetime of memories, deciding what to take to my new apartment, what to give to the kids, what to store, what to pitch. Several 14 hour work days have overtaken me the past week or so. Today I handed the keys over to my tenantsThere have been moments of great sadness, but the sense of a life of great blessing overwhelmed me today as I drove away from 319. I have moved into 1142 Brookview Place, Elkins Park. Tonight boxes surround me. However, the "moving out" phase is over.

In the midst of this Cindy and I were processing a lot of input as we move through engagement. We entered a time where it was good to listen to some of those closest to us, to hear their hearts as they tried to understand the nature and tempo of the dance we have undertaken. Then we listened to God. We took prayer retreats and "returned from the mountain" having confirmed our date: September 26.

Yes, it is soon. Yes, it has seemed fast to some. But we are ready to lean into the next six weeks and move toward our royal wedding with a good balance of solemnity and joy. Royal wedding? There will be no guilded carriage, no cheering masses in front of a grand cathedral. Instead with less than a hundred guests, in a simple Methodist sanctuary we will undertake this union. But it will be regal. We will be in the presence of the High King of Heaven. A son of The King will take a daughter of the King as his wife. Thus we feel compelled to talk about A Royal Wedding.....

Pray that we move with dignity and authority to cement this union.....and that we will have fun!

2009-08-04T17:36:00.002-04:00

Dancing at our age is complicated and confusing. The floor gets crowded. We don't always hear the music. We can miss a beat. Step on each others' toes. Suddenly it gets chaotic. Our hearts get far too busy. We stop having fun.

That's why we encourage one another to "FOCUS." Well, usually Cindy encourages me with those words...I just try to pay attention long enough to hear her say it. At such times we need a prayer my friend Liz gave me last month:

And give us an uncluttered and focused heart

sot that we can obey what You command,

live by Your direction and counsel

and carry through with building what you have given us the task to build.

Make that your prayer for us this day

as we try to grow the relationship

that God has called us to build.

Bonus Points

2009-07-30T08:24:00.002-04:00

I have shared some of the challenges of our dance recently. We do have some special concerns surrounding our union to be sure. We dance on a crowded floor.

Yet that also affords us special joy. Courtship and engagement has brought us additional grandchildren. Jonah and Aiden are amazed at how far Cindy can hit a wiffle ball. Taylor requests my presence at the next ballet recital. We embrace these moments with special joy. These moments are bonus points, rewards for bringing the younger generations to the dance floor.

Getting Back in Step

2009-07-27T19:03:00.006-04:00

Because we have both danced before we find managing the tempo of this waltz difficult. Some folks are still facing the loss of the journey I have just concluded. Others experience sorrow elsewhere. If we are not careful we can dance out of sync with those still in pain---or prompt pain in one another. This past week was a time to dance more quietly, more intently, more sensitively.

Not easy steps for me sometimes. I would have no hope of ever finding my way around this dance floor. After all, I have two left feet. But we have the Spirit within....He beckons patiently for us to find our ourselves in step with HIM. And sends us to those who can help us hear the beat of the music.

The Center of Our Confidence

2009-07-24T17:36:00.003-04:00

A recent trip to buy wedding bands underscored the seriousness of the promises we had made. We are preparing vows for a lifetime. How can you know you are ready? How can you trust another person that much?

What is our hope for this relationship to live? It is HIM, for "HE who began a good work in you will bring it to completion on the day of Christ Jesus." And that is why we are ready to exchange rings again.

Bruised, but Bound

2009-07-16T07:25:00.002-04:00

It's never as simple and tidy as my blogging makes it seem. The nature of writing tends to draw one to a conclusion. Yet, life is lived much more as process.I mean that our dance is always challenging. We brought wounds into our friendship. Some of those near us share pain from those afflictions as well. We are all at different places in our healing.

The Psalms have made me familiar with this journey. We share our pain, then we claim the Promises of God as balm for our sorrow and brokeness. Recently, a friend sent me one nugget that has sustained me this week as our tribe walks in joy tempered by brokeness

He bruises, but HE binds up;
He wounds, but His hands make whole."
Job 5:18

Pray that we and the bruised who walk beside us would know the wholeness only HE can bring.

He Daily Bears Our Burdens

2009-07-14T17:52:00.003-04:00

We have some things in common. We are both small town kids. We both prefer saying, "Goin" and "Comin'" to "Going" and "Coming." We both enjoy simple things like going to ball games, taking walks, and looking at the summer sky.

But we are also an unlikely pair. We have spent most of the last 50 years in different places, experiencing different things.

So, how does this work? What is the glue? We have prayed together 6.5 times a week for more than 5 months. Somehow that habit caused us to walk in harmony through questions, doubts and storms. More than that, we set aside self-reliance for the sweet simplicity of dependence upon HIM, the Object of our prayers. And so today we say,

Praise be to the Lord

To God our Savior

Who daily bears our burdens

Our God is a God who saves

--Psalm 68:19,20a--

It Takes a Village to Propose to a Cindy

2009-07-10T00:27:00.004-04:00

Readers of the previous blog might remember that my first dance began spontaneously. I impulsively proposed to Nancy when I opened the birthday presents she gave me.

The Proposal Phase of this dance was much more calculated. Several talks determined that my kids and I were in a good place. My pastor, a fellow elder, two close friends at WHM, my spiritual mother, and a Christan counselor all blessed this concept. Such discussions were good and necessary given I had begun this dance so soon after my first one ended.

A ring was purchased. Several proposal settings were carefully considered. I decided that proposing under the same Kansas stars which had witnessed so many boyhood dreams would cast the right mood. I was ready.

But the day of David and Claire's wedding she looked so darn good. The vows rang true. The reception was a joyful call to community and our first trip around the dance floor accelerated the time table.

A few minutes after David and Claire left, I found the ring in my bag, drove her up to Main Street and shut the engine off. All that conversation, all that planning and it still came down to the sense of being swept away in the moment. It took a village to capture a Cindy, but only one smitten man could set the time.

Will You? Yes!

2009-07-08T18:58:00.002-04:00

As I was finishing the last entry I turned around to a radiant vision named Cindy, to which I exclaimed "Wow!" And we were off. We swept through the ceremony and the reception completely in sync.

That led to a drive to downtown Denison where I parked the car, read some scripture, pulled a ring out of my pocket, and popped the question. She said "yes." Didn't I tell you that she is the bravest woman alive?

Further details will follow. But for now, we marvel at a God who can "take away" and "give" in amazing ways, leaving us only to say, "Blessed be Your Name!"

Is it Heaven? No, It's Iowa

2009-07-03T16:10:00.001-04:00

A wonderful day's travel to and through the Midwest. Lots of stories, hopes and dreams are shared when you are driving past cornfields. We learned that memories of the dust kicked up on gravel roads was a common childhood experience. A few more profound conclusions emerged as well.

This morning featured a visit to the Donna Reed Center for the Performing Arts. Off to David and Claire's wedding momentarily. We will try to avoid stealing center stage.

Dan and Cindy's Excellent Adventure

2009-07-02T07:55:00.002-04:00

In just a few hours the bravest woman alive(Cindy), will get on a plane with me. We will land in Kansas City and drive to Denison, Iowa tonight. Tomorrow morning we'll visit the Donna Reed Museum (yes, she grew up in Denison.) Then we'll attend the wedding of David and Claire, two WHM--ers who met on the field. (Yes, she grew up near Denison, too.)

After that we're headed down Kansas to the family farm, to study the lay of the land, watch fireworks, and walk through freshly cut wheat fields. (I haven't had the heart to tell her that harvest is probably over.)

It will be a time to learn what is like to transverse airports together, encounter WHM culture as a couple, and visit my childhood home. And who knows what could happen as we follow the Yellow Brick Road???

Pray for Her

Resting on the Rock

2009-07-01T10:11:00.002-04:00

Cindy and I were out for a walk this past winter. We were looking for somewhere to stop and share hopes and dreams and even shed tears. She had taken me to a place that commanded a beautiful view. But the ground was saturated by the melting snow, so it wasn’t that clear where we could rest. Then I found it: a huge rock that was looking out toward the river. I knew it was the perfect spot. So, after we planted ourselves on that rock, and I looked into her eyes. It was a magic moment. Our hearts were opened to one another and we both felt safe. Nothing was going to knock us off this place of rest. Even when the wind blew we could sense that we were secure. That rock would not collapse leaving us in the mud. We could sit there feeling warm and secure.
I think of how friendship needs a firm foundation. A place to build on. A place of safety. And then I remember. HIM. Our Rock and our Redeemer. And I remember to rest there, hope there and build there. He won’t let our hopes collapse.

"On Christ the Solid Rock I stand. All other ground is sinking sand."

In Celebration of Heroes

2009-06-30T23:05:00.005-04:00

You bring a few other people to the dance when you pursue a relationship so soon after your best friend goes home. From a very early point, Leah, Josh and KJ have know this dance was under way.

At key places they blessed the continuation of this dance. They sometimes put the happiness of their dad above their own comfort levels. It meant hearing the music play even they were still sad.

I felt pride as we talked, listened and prayed together to discern the tempo of this number. I felt gratitude for the frequent examples of selflessness their mother had demonstrated for so many years. (Such modeling prepared them to consider others above themselves.) I felt blessed through the rich texture of their love. The law of love was overcoming profound loss.

Same Song, Many Stanzas

2009-06-29T07:57:00.004-04:00

I spend a lot of time around folks who are trying to define, explain, and apply the gospel to lives. That led me to think about the many stanzas of gospel music I have heard in my life.

My first encounter with the gospel centered on understanding the "Plan of Salvation." I am a sinner. Jesus died for sinners. I needed to apply his sacrifice to be right before God.

As a child of the 60's I was driven to a cause. The cause of following Jesus as He transformed the world caught my imagination. I joined the Jesus Revolution.

Later, the gospel drove us to Ireland. There we helped to build a church called "Hope." The name fit the desire to sing the gospel in the face of despair.

When we returned from Ireland, the gospel gave us the strength to face deep pain in our own lives. Nancy confronted the trauma she suffered as a child. We endured turmoil and came out the other side.

Last year, the gospel gave us hope to walk toward eternity. The gospel is bigger than cancer. We were able to say good-bye and part ways.

Meanwhile, Cindy was hearing the music in different ways. She found grace to withstand deep disappointment, to care for her kids as a single parent, and to forgive in the face of betrayal. When we met, she believed God could give her something more: a faith walk with another follower of Jesus.

This year the gospel means that we can hope, we can move toward one another, to laugh and cry and pray together, to learn to understand how to be in relationship with another wounded soul. In short, the gospel is the music for the second dance.

On taking this for granted

2009-06-26T23:29:00.003-04:00

You take away so many things from the end of the first dance. As I got to know Cindy some simple lessons helped set the tempo and tone as I led us onto the dance floor. There was this sense that "I had some idea how to do this." I had finished the previous journey well. That left me with some confidence that we could learn to be in sync.

The abrupt end of a previous journey also leaves you with a fierce resolve to address things that you may have forgotten along the way. One thing I know: I do not take this dance for granted. For I now I understand, "a relationship is a gift from God, not an entitlement."

So, each day I thank the Giver of all Good gifts for the chance to follow this tune

Time to Change Shoes

2009-06-24T20:18:00.005-04:00

After Tuesday's ambiguous doctor's visit, I received an email entitled, "Get Your Dancing Shoes On." Yep, Cindy and I had adjusted our thinking over night.

We had wanted guarantees of a long and happy life. But He gave us something else. We know that we have today. HE calls us to joy, to enjoy and empower one another to pursue happiness.

Joy in HIM.

Joy with and through one another.

Keep dancing.

Unclear Results, Clear Mandate

2009-06-22T23:19:00.005-04:00

My blood test results were not as clear as we had hoped. Not good enough for an "all clear," not bad enough to warrant immediate investigation. Instead, I got instructions to come back in four months for another evaluation.

Having known suffering and loss, we would have loved to have jumped this hurdle completely. Instead, we find this situation another challenge to trust HIM to show us the path ahead. Once more, we take the call to watch and pray.....often from a distance, always in faith and unity.

Already and Not Yet

2009-06-20T22:56:00.003-04:00

Sometimes the miles between us and the responsibilities we carry present formidable challenges to being together for ""Dan and Cindy Time." This weekend special projects kept us apart Friday and Saturday. But there were a few text messages, a phone call while I waited for a plane from London, and a few sighs and dreams.

This particular season is about the "already and the not yet." Already we care, but not yet do we share a life more completely connected. The hopes and the desires of this season come as we wait to figure out where the steps lead. Til then we savor the joy of already and dream about what lies ahead in the days not yet.

Mourn with those who Mourn

2009-06-19T15:55:00.010-04:00

We both brought sorrow into this friendship. Life had inflicted deep and lasting pain on each of us. How do you start to dance while some of the steps hurt? We had to embrace one another's brokenness, even as we sought wholeness and joy.

Earlier this week, we each shared how it felt to remove our wedding bands from our left hands. Cindy remembered the emptiness of a youthful promise unfulfilled. I recounted the bittersweet victory in switching ring hands, and calling out to Nancy "We did it, Rocky!" Tears flowed in the telling---and the listening. We also reminded one another that while weeping will continue for years, we no longer mourn alone.

We moved further onto the dance floor together. The music seemed clearer than before.

Fostering Friendship at 50....+

2009-06-18T22:35:00.005-04:00

Where do you find common ground in your October years? What kind of things fuel a new relationship in your 50's? Well some of our touch points are quite different than either of our spring time romances.

Whoever thought that I would be divulging my PSA levels to the girl I was dating? Yet as I went through another round of screening this week Cindy shared my worries. She will get a call with the new score shortly after I leave the doctor Monday afternoon. (Feel free to pray that the score is encouraging!) I also like it that she knows CPR.

Meanwhile, I prayed for her grandson Mason when he was in the hospital last winter. Then this spring I attended Taylor's dance recital. I could describe that time as five minutes of magic wrapped inside more than an hour of other people's grand kids prancing on stage. But it is what you do with, and for the little ones in your new friend's life.

Yet it is not all wheat germ and sharing pics of first haircuts. Part of the joy of an autumn romance comes through the return to youth. We share favorite songs on the car CD player on the way to wherever together. There was this recent moment where the car stopped to photograph ourselves running knee high through a field of yellow flowers. (Thank you Norah Jones!) Such moments make us wonder what others would say of two "old people" being silly. And we then both beam with pride and wonder, thankful to be surprised by such joy.

This dance leads us to reclaim life, to return to youth, to hope once more. Still, we acknowledge that some of our expressions of affection have a decidedly autumnal hue.

The days at the bay

2009-06-17T13:17:00.001-04:00

Advancing the dance at this point in life involves blending the dance partners.

With this in mind Cindy and I spent a long weekend with all my kids and grandkids.

The time was filled by:

Holding babies
Whipple ball
Blowing bubbles
Miniature golf
Go karts
Large chaotic family meals
Chris's softball game.
Skunk sitings
Rock throwing
Snake sitings
Ice cream at sunset
Stories from Ireland and Glenside

In short, the recounting of old memories and the making of new ones. By the time we were back in Pennsylvania, Cindy and I agreed that we had passed another important milestone.

The dance continues.

Shake by the Lake

2009-06-13T07:16:00.000-04:00

In a few minutes I will be off for a special vacation. Cindy and I are set to spend a few days with Chris and Leah, Josh and Anne, KJ, Jonah, Adain, Katharine, LuLu, and Micah. All of us are going to spend some time together at a house on Lake Ontario.

I am not sure who is the bravest party here. Not me! All I did was recruit the group. My kids for taking this time to get to know Cindy while memories of Mom are still vivid? Cindy for entering into this mix? At any rate, ample "faith courage" is abundant here.

This morning I recalled that when the Spirit came in Acts 2, people coming from many different places were moved to understand one another. We are all coming from different places emotionally as we come together. Pray for safety, fun, love and understanding to abound as we begin shake by the Lake.

What we are learning thus far

2009-06-10T16:10:00.001-04:00

Since we began this dance a few months ago, God has been showing us a lot. As we pondered our progress, Cindy shared the following thoughts this past week. Her summary will serve as the opening notes of this number:

"There have been several storms that we as individuals and us as a couple have endured. For many people the small plants would have been too frail.... As HE has woven our lives together many interesting things have happened. HE has shown us when we seek HIM, HE does the work and we reap the fruits of the blessings.

HE has shown me that unity of relationship and prayer are the secrets to all things in this life. HE has made clear that when we trust HIM all things are possible—emerging from grief, emerging from deep pain, emerging from betrayal, emerging from adversity ..... there is no crop regardless of the conditions that can’t flourish when JESUS is the farmer and we are his hands and feet here on earth."

So, this journey is about sowing, tilling and reaping. What will harvest look like? We look to HIM for the answers.